Saturday, April 11, 2009

Here I am...

One day I will blog again!! I think I have had trouble sharing lately, and I am starting to pinpoint it.
I know one reason is that I have felt emotionally and creatively blocked, I had so many things from the past, one being a job , that I allowed to define me! The transition of trying to figure who I am , and not allowing my job to equal that is very tough. Right now I am enjoying settling into a great job, but being very cautious to not let it become me, and trying to allow time to figure out who Michele is on her own.... A CHALLENGE! I think I will start flowing again, and I am feeling like I am coming out of a sleep!
The second thing is the "loss" or disconnection" of being part of a community that is the Dutch Village Inn... regardless of how I felt about my job there, the fact remains that there is a great community centered around the lobby and the coffee shop. Day to day at my job I would come into contact with many of you, even if it was a simple "hello" or a hug, or even a smile and a wave into my office door, I was still connected with that community. I think I am mourning that loss, and also trying to figure out how to "replace or revive it". Don't get me wrong, I am not regretting my move, it is the best thing I have done in a long time, and it was necessary for my well being to get out of that job. I just did not realize that it would affect way more than my career.
I also have been engulfed with trying to repair my health, after being in the hospital this winter, I feel that I did not address my health with as much seriousness that I should have... and I am feeling the effects of that...I will leave out the details, because I think a few of you may pull up to my house, drag me into your car, and make me immediately go to the doctor! Please don't do that! I am working on it!
Finally , the relationship dynamics in my life are really weird and transitional right now too, I am learning to me a better long distance friend, although I have not really figured out the best way to be a long distance communicator, but I think I am getting better... I am trying to figure out how to be a good parent to two "adult" children, that is tough! especially when one lives with you, and I am working on how to keep strong and balance my existing local friendships...I also am trying to figure out how to balance a new schedule and be a good mom and wife, and be OK with not cooking every night!

Please be patient with me as I do this. I hope you all see where I am at right now, I think this is a pretty honest, authentic portrayal of it. The picture above is a "self portrait that I took along time ago, and I think it is a good reflection of how I feel right now.
Love you all...Chel