Unzipped...

Unzipped...

I have heard the following quotes several times in the last few months... "You are too young to be going through this!" , "You don't look sick!" ,"Your too young to have a pacemaker!","You look fine to me" ( I had a nurse say that when I was in the hospital, not even looking at my chart or my vitals) ...

Of course I agree, with the fact that I feel too young to be going through this, but it just is. I cannot change it now. I must admit, that hearing people say these things to me is building into a frustration. How do a respond to any of these statements? "Oh I look fine, well then send me home, I must be OK, I don't really want to be here anyways!" "Or, I am too young, I am going to cancel this surgery and wait until I am 65!" I am glad I am being told I do not look sick, I certainly am not going for the "sickly" appearance! I try very hard to not look sick although I have feel like I look haggard at the end of the day a lot lately! I know that this post sounds a bit sarcastic or angry, especially for me. I have tried very hard to be positive in any thing that I put out into cyber space. I do not want to be "Debbie Downer", I want to be the person full of energy and positivity. I do feel like I have spots of being positive throughout this experience. Honestly, I am at the most positive emotionally and mentally being prepared to have the surgery than I have been during this entire journey. If I can single out this part of my life and put all the outside factors going on in my family , I am ready. I am ready to take this on and feel better! I feel like this is going to be the catalyst to feeling physically better. In fact I am so positive about how much better I will feel after the surgery, that I hope I am not setting myself up for disappointment!

So next time you see someone that is ill or is going through emotional issues, mentally unzip them! Not in a sexual way, I am not talking about unzipping clothing, think about unzipping the skin, and realizing that there is more going on inside people than the eye may see. I am not suggesting that you don't try to give encouraging words! I know I need those, and I have been surrounded by people that have blessed me with encouragement! Just take a moment, and think about the words you are saying, and what could be possible responses to those words?

I Hope that I am getting my point across well. I am not intending to judge statements people have made to me, only to admit that they are starting to weigh on me and I have allowed them to discourage me. That is my challenge, something I need to work on.

THANK YOU to all those to have been positive , encouraging, and have listened to me whine!

Seven Pills a Day Keeps the Doctor Away?!

For some reason, taking all the meds is getting to me...maybe because they are making me so tired, maybe because I have never taken anything but asthma meds, and vitamins on a regular basis, maybe because I feel worse than before I started taking them, or that I feel dependent on them...I guess I am. I have come to the realization that I will be on at least two of the meds (accounts for four pills/day) for the rest of my life, and the fact that they seem to make me feel worse rather than better, seems to be a looming reality. I think if I took these meds, and I felt great, I would look forward to taking them! When I went for the Echo last week I was told that the enlargement had not gone down at all, and nothing had changed. I was a bit disappointed in that, until I had encouragement from those around me, with words of wisdom and support. I am so blessed to be surrounded by loving people that each have one way or another to encourage. Some it is simply saying that they love me, for others it is "tough love", and for some it is taking a laundry basket up the steps, or offering to help with my daughters shower. Whatever it is, it is all valuable and is helping me cope with the DCM... So I will continue to take the meds, and follow the Dr.'s advice...eat healthy...( I have made significant changes in that area I will blog about in the future) I am not completely discouraged, I am really not. I just needed to write it down. Chel