I feel like dancing!

I am not sure why I have not been blogging...so much has been going on and I have a lot to share...between healing ,holidays and transitioning back to the workforce, I guess I have been a bit overwhelmed.

I just had my six week device check appointment at the Cleveland Clinic this past week and all was well! The device is operating properly, and healing well. The only events recorded were a series of atrial fib's and they were all on the night where I was dancing at our company Christmas party!

The fact that I feel like dancing is a great reflection of the success of the surgery. For the longest time all I felt like was sitting, or sleeping. The improvement I have felt in my energy level so far has been the biggest change and I hope it continues. I still have times of feeling like I "over did" it. For the most part I feel like I am getting better! For Christmas we received a Kinect, and I have had so much fun dancing to the game! I hope I continue to have the energy to keep it up! In February, I return back to the clinic to the Women's heart failure center to meet with my cardiologist and that day she will perform an echo to see if any of the enlargement has gone down and hopefully tell me my ejection fraction has improved! So medically, that's where I am at.

This year has been quite the journey! In our extended family we have gone on this medical journey , baby bro had surgery, had two weddings, been reunited with my niece, struggled with finances,( mainly due to me having to miss work for medical reasons), watched two of our dear ones struggle with substance abuse...answers to prayer, and healing with relationships. There was a lot of good mixed in! What a beautiful mess!

Through all of these experiences, both good and bad, we have grown in our faith, and bonded stronger as a family. I have really found out who my true friends are and who will ask me how things are going even when they know the answer might not be so good.

And yet , I have been able to end out this year with a feeling of optimism and a huge desire to DANCE it out! I am looking forward to seeing what this year will bring! I have a lot of confidence that it will have a lot of good in it!

Unzipped...

Unzipped...

I have heard the following quotes several times in the last few months... "You are too young to be going through this!" , "You don't look sick!" ,"Your too young to have a pacemaker!","You look fine to me" ( I had a nurse say that when I was in the hospital, not even looking at my chart or my vitals) ...

Of course I agree, with the fact that I feel too young to be going through this, but it just is. I cannot change it now. I must admit, that hearing people say these things to me is building into a frustration. How do a respond to any of these statements? "Oh I look fine, well then send me home, I must be OK, I don't really want to be here anyways!" "Or, I am too young, I am going to cancel this surgery and wait until I am 65!" I am glad I am being told I do not look sick, I certainly am not going for the "sickly" appearance! I try very hard to not look sick although I have feel like I look haggard at the end of the day a lot lately! I know that this post sounds a bit sarcastic or angry, especially for me. I have tried very hard to be positive in any thing that I put out into cyber space. I do not want to be "Debbie Downer", I want to be the person full of energy and positivity. I do feel like I have spots of being positive throughout this experience. Honestly, I am at the most positive emotionally and mentally being prepared to have the surgery than I have been during this entire journey. If I can single out this part of my life and put all the outside factors going on in my family , I am ready. I am ready to take this on and feel better! I feel like this is going to be the catalyst to feeling physically better. In fact I am so positive about how much better I will feel after the surgery, that I hope I am not setting myself up for disappointment!

So next time you see someone that is ill or is going through emotional issues, mentally unzip them! Not in a sexual way, I am not talking about unzipping clothing, think about unzipping the skin, and realizing that there is more going on inside people than the eye may see. I am not suggesting that you don't try to give encouraging words! I know I need those, and I have been surrounded by people that have blessed me with encouragement! Just take a moment, and think about the words you are saying, and what could be possible responses to those words?

I Hope that I am getting my point across well. I am not intending to judge statements people have made to me, only to admit that they are starting to weigh on me and I have allowed them to discourage me. That is my challenge, something I need to work on.

THANK YOU to all those to have been positive , encouraging, and have listened to me whine!