Ok, inspired by my dear friend, Ang... I have decided to publish a post that will be very authentic. I t may take me a few hours, but it will be coming soon! I bet you will all be lining up to your computer screens, as is reflected my my huge long list of comments from the past! HAHA!
OK HERE IT IS ...READ BELOW!
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Now what shall I do???????
This week I keep telling myself, if you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same result. Of course I have always known that; but I decide to push it way back, and keep on doing some things the same way, continuing to get the undesired results that seem to keep those areas of my life stagnant.
I took a huge step yesterday from something that I have ignored, for about seven plus years. I guess I need to give a bit of the background behind yesterday... I am very nervous about this, I feel very vulnerable , but here goes it...
About 12 years ago, I was feeling "trapped" I was mainly a stay at home mom, I did do some occasional catering, but it was not full swing yet. I loved the Lord, and was very involved in
"doing" church, I was in dramas, worship team, VBS helper, short term mission trips,made costumes for the kids plays, youth group leader, and the list goes on.... All those things were fine and well, but now that I reflect back, how much of that I was doing to serve the Lord, and how much I was doing to "do church". I still felt like, I wanted to do "more", I had a lot of friends that were registered nurses. I would look at them from the perspective of being financially successful, and also being able to help people why doing so. I felt like (being a pastoral , nurturing type of a person) that that would be a great career for me, all the while ignoring the fact that I actually hate coming in contact with body fluids, and I do not have a grasp for many things that involve measurements, and calculations. I hoped I would overcome that during my training. I decided to take a student loan out and pursue a bachelors degree in nursing. I became involved in catering to bring in an income during my schooling. The catering business became pretty successful , and enjoyable. It was a lot of hard work, and tiring. I did well in school until I was required to take organic chemistry courses and math, up until then I was an excellent nurse on paper. Thats when the reality of math not being a gift of mine started to become deafening. I also became quite worried about having to calculate measurements, etc. At this time, I was entering into senior level courses, and all the coursework required for my degree. I could not pass organic chemistry , I took it three times and could not get higher than a "D", a C or higher was required . At this time the Dutch Village in was being built (2001), and they needed a banquet manager, I was offered the job, and because of all the stress in school. I just finished out the semester, and never went back to school, and I just tried to forget about it.
I felt the job at the Inn would be my career, after several years I was promoted, and I felt like this would just be my lifetime job. I love hospitality. The nurturing, pastoral traits I have fit right into the industry. I love problem solving,organizing communication and all the one on one interaction I have with different people, and hearing the stories about why they are traveling. I just had a guest "cry on my shoulder" for a hour the other day about her son that she was visiting that has mental health issues. I have been sailing along, and settling into this job. As some of you may know, the Inn ownership, reorganized some of our jobs, this included a schedule change, and a huge pay cut. It also knocked my ego down a few notches (which I am sure it needed). Over the last several months I have dealt with living on the edge of what would probably be diagnosed as severe depression (although I have not sought medical advice). I am still trying to sort out exactly what areas are causing the main feelings of being so depressed. Obviously the job change is one, also realizing what a poor money manager I have been had been very stressful.
One of the things that really started getting to me was when I started looking back at the last 10 years or so. I started thinking about how I "threw away" all my schooling. I started thinking about how if I would have stayed at Kent State, I would be done now and well into a career. One step that I bravely took last week was to go to Kent State, and see exactly where I was at. I really had no clue how many credits I have, or anything. When I went to meet with the adviser, I realized that I am only two classes away from an associates degree in liberal arts (doesn't really do anything except say I completed that) and that I am only about three semesters away from a Bachelors degree. There is a new bachelors degree at Kent Eliv. that is communications studies. It is right up my alley, and would actually open doors in many areas, including working in administration, and non profit venues. This degree would take ll the things that I liked about nursing, and hospitality, and funnel them into something that I could actually do.
I have so many questions right now, that mainly center around where and what does God want me to go/do. I ignored him one too many times, and now I want to serve him in a capacity that takes all the things that people tell me I am good at, and use those skills to serve him. Right now I have to decide if going back to school would benefit that direction in my life. People always say, Oh you are so good at... and I want that to not be about me anymore, and I do realize that I must be good at those things for a reason. The challenge is finding out what that is.
Whoa! I wrote a lot! Sorry! I guess I needed to get that out!
So questions I am posing:
How do we know when to make a life changing move like this.
How do we discern if this is "us" wanting to do something for ourselves, or if we are being led by him?
How do we know???
Comments? Anyone???
"doing" church, I was in dramas, worship team, VBS helper, short term mission trips,made costumes for the kids plays, youth group leader, and the list goes on.... All those things were fine and well, but now that I reflect back, how much of that I was doing to serve the Lord, and how much I was doing to "do church". I still felt like, I wanted to do "more", I had a lot of friends that were registered nurses. I would look at them from the perspective of being financially successful, and also being able to help people why doing so. I felt like (being a pastoral , nurturing type of a person) that that would be a great career for me, all the while ignoring the fact that I actually hate coming in contact with body fluids, and I do not have a grasp for many things that involve measurements, and calculations. I hoped I would overcome that during my training. I decided to take a student loan out and pursue a bachelors degree in nursing. I became involved in catering to bring in an income during my schooling. The catering business became pretty successful , and enjoyable. It was a lot of hard work, and tiring. I did well in school until I was required to take organic chemistry courses and math, up until then I was an excellent nurse on paper. Thats when the reality of math not being a gift of mine started to become deafening. I also became quite worried about having to calculate measurements, etc. At this time, I was entering into senior level courses, and all the coursework required for my degree. I could not pass organic chemistry , I took it three times and could not get higher than a "D", a C or higher was required . At this time the Dutch Village in was being built (2001), and they needed a banquet manager, I was offered the job, and because of all the stress in school. I just finished out the semester, and never went back to school, and I just tried to forget about it.
I felt the job at the Inn would be my career, after several years I was promoted, and I felt like this would just be my lifetime job. I love hospitality. The nurturing, pastoral traits I have fit right into the industry. I love problem solving,organizing communication and all the one on one interaction I have with different people, and hearing the stories about why they are traveling. I just had a guest "cry on my shoulder" for a hour the other day about her son that she was visiting that has mental health issues. I have been sailing along, and settling into this job. As some of you may know, the Inn ownership, reorganized some of our jobs, this included a schedule change, and a huge pay cut. It also knocked my ego down a few notches (which I am sure it needed). Over the last several months I have dealt with living on the edge of what would probably be diagnosed as severe depression (although I have not sought medical advice). I am still trying to sort out exactly what areas are causing the main feelings of being so depressed. Obviously the job change is one, also realizing what a poor money manager I have been had been very stressful.
One of the things that really started getting to me was when I started looking back at the last 10 years or so. I started thinking about how I "threw away" all my schooling. I started thinking about how if I would have stayed at Kent State, I would be done now and well into a career. One step that I bravely took last week was to go to Kent State, and see exactly where I was at. I really had no clue how many credits I have, or anything. When I went to meet with the adviser, I realized that I am only two classes away from an associates degree in liberal arts (doesn't really do anything except say I completed that) and that I am only about three semesters away from a Bachelors degree. There is a new bachelors degree at Kent Eliv. that is communications studies. It is right up my alley, and would actually open doors in many areas, including working in administration, and non profit venues. This degree would take ll the things that I liked about nursing, and hospitality, and funnel them into something that I could actually do.
I have so many questions right now, that mainly center around where and what does God want me to go/do. I ignored him one too many times, and now I want to serve him in a capacity that takes all the things that people tell me I am good at, and use those skills to serve him. Right now I have to decide if going back to school would benefit that direction in my life. People always say, Oh you are so good at... and I want that to not be about me anymore, and I do realize that I must be good at those things for a reason. The challenge is finding out what that is.
Whoa! I wrote a lot! Sorry! I guess I needed to get that out!
So questions I am posing:
How do we know when to make a life changing move like this.
How do we discern if this is "us" wanting to do something for ourselves, or if we are being led by him?
How do we know???
Comments? Anyone???
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday nights on the porch...
Monday at work.......Tuesday at thelake, a night at a baseball game, an e-mail, a phone call, Wednesday at work, Thursday at the grocery store, a hug at the church, Friday night on the porch, Saturday making fries, Sunday ... I was really very stressed out this week, It is a huge combination of a lot of things, that I won't weigh this down with. I really thougth "how am I going to get through next week?" I keep remembering that HE will uphold me and strengthen me...I have faith in that... So what I decided to do was to recognize how he did that for me this week. Every time i felt like I just couldnt take it, he brought someone into my day;someone that was either a comic relief, a distraction, and ear to listen, someone I could listen to, someone to hug, someone to smile at, someone to cry with, soemone to have a drink with, someone to help, someone to pray for, someone to pray for me... I could go on and on... Only a few of the times were intentional meetings, and were great, but more of them were not. My point is wether or not it is an intentional event, like Friday night on the porch, or a chance meeting at Giant Eagle, every moment you connect with someone is a chance, a chance to do something , a chance to recieve something, a chance to give something.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Leaving on a jet plane...........
Don't know when I'll be back again! Well, I do...but one can only dream. We are headed to Belize in exactly one week. I was talking to Luke the other day, and I think he felt like we wanted to get away from him! Boy, did I clarify that one! No way would I ever want to get away from my kids...I may want to feel an escape from situations they have been in, but if I could afford it , they would be coming along. It is really nice for John and I to go off by ourselves, I think it helps remind us who we are as a couple. I also want to escape the bleakness and gray of Ohio winter. The lack of color in nature this time of the year is very hard for me to tolerate. I also need to escape the attachment to my ear called my cell phone. On Caye Caulker, it will be useless. I am a bit worried about my kids not being able to contact me, but it is a very small island and they can e-mail, and leave messages with the office to our rental. I almost panic when I leave my cell phone behind, and I really need to get over being so easily accessible. I also need to relax, and be detached from driving everywhere, I plan on doing an experiment, and logging how many miles I drive in one week, I think it would be shocking! On Caye Caulker, there are no cars, only bikes, and golf carts. The air must be really clean, the island does not have high rise buildings, or factories, so I can imagine the pollution must be very minimal. Maybe we will move there! No heating bills, no car insurance, no gas, no shoes , no cell phone!!!! Read the sign!!! ( it is actually on the island as you arrive!)
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Ok, here it goes!!!!!!!!!!
I will start by saying that I am a very cautious blogger... I write things then I delete them about an hour later. If you really want to find out about the real me, you have to be really on top of my blog before I delete it!! I feel a little exposed writing down my feelings for all to see. I really enjoy the blogging community, and want to be a part of it, so I am going to try to be "real", and not delete any posts from here on out. SO .........if you don't like it, well too bad!!! :)
OK, so here it goes. I am not really going to write anything today .. this is my Test blog to make sure I don't delete it, and if I do... you will never know anyway will you???? When I die, someone should really read my journals that I keep under my bed, they are really good!!!!
OK, so here it goes. I am not really going to write anything today .. this is my Test blog to make sure I don't delete it, and if I do... you will never know anyway will you???? When I die, someone should really read my journals that I keep under my bed, they are really good!!!!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Made me think...
Original recording from the chieftains album the bells of dublin
All the streets are filled with laughter and light
And the music of the season
And the merchants windows are all bright
With the faces of the children
And the families hurrying to their homes
As the sky darkens and freezes
Theyll be gathering around the hearths and tales
Giving thanks for all gods graces
And the birth of the rebel jesus
Well they call him by the prince of peace
And they call him by the savior
And they pray to him upon the seas
And in every bold endeavor
As they fill his churches with their pride and gold
And their faith in him increases
But theyve turned the nature that I worshipped in
From a temple to a robbers den
In the words of the rebel jesus
We guard our world with locks and guns
And we guard our fine possessions
And once a year when christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why they are poor
They get the same as the rebel jesus
But please forgive me if I seem
To take the tone of judgement
For Ive no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In this life of hardship and of earthly toil
We have need for anything that frees us
So I bid you pleasure
And I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel jesus.
All the streets are filled with laughter and light
And the music of the season
And the merchants windows are all bright
With the faces of the children
And the families hurrying to their homes
As the sky darkens and freezes
Theyll be gathering around the hearths and tales
Giving thanks for all gods graces
And the birth of the rebel jesus
Well they call him by the prince of peace
And they call him by the savior
And they pray to him upon the seas
And in every bold endeavor
As they fill his churches with their pride and gold
And their faith in him increases
But theyve turned the nature that I worshipped in
From a temple to a robbers den
In the words of the rebel jesus
We guard our world with locks and guns
And we guard our fine possessions
And once a year when christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why they are poor
They get the same as the rebel jesus
But please forgive me if I seem
To take the tone of judgement
For Ive no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In this life of hardship and of earthly toil
We have need for anything that frees us
So I bid you pleasure
And I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel jesus.
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