Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Thats how I felt this past week... Most of you know what I went through, and I don't need to elaborate on that. When you are in the hospital all privacy ,control and modesty seems to go out the window. I think about 50% of the hospital staff saw parts of my body that I am not too confident about sharing with the general public.
Because of that I started really thinking about the state of my health in a holistic way, not just physical ; mind ,body, and emotions.
I felt surrounded by love and compassion, and it caused me to reflect upon my self and ask if I offer that to others around me. Love , and care is very valuable to healing and trauma. Just having someone look me in the eyes when they ask how I am or having a Doctor sit in my room and go over things with me rather than having his hand on the door or looking at his watch the whole time. Also being surrounded with prayers and loving friends and family seemed to make me have a sense of calm that I don't think I would otherwise have.
I also feel a drive to make a pointed effort to eat more healthy and become more active. I guess I am the kind of person that needs to hit a brick wall before she changes some things in her life, I am not sure why, I know how I want to feel, yet the pace of my life and events in the last year have caused me to stay stagnant and not change anything. I felt venerable and exposed!
I asked Luke the other day if asked me any question he ever wanted to ask me, I would try to answer it as fully as I felt appropriate. He hardly hesitated, and asked" Why didn't you graduate from college?" OUCH! I don't know why but I wasn't expecting that. I explained why ( If you want to know read my blog from a few months ago) Exposed!
Will I change? Will I take a holistic approach to it? How about you? Are there areas in your life that you want to change but feel stalled or held back from doing so? If so why? Sometimes I feel that my hopes and dreams are selfish so I don't pursue them, because I am not just an individual I am part of a family unit. Sometimes we just can't hide how we are feeling anymore, whether it be physical or emotional.
Sometimes we feel exposed!