Samson-Moves forward in his journey...

Today Sam is headed on a trip with John and Luke...to his new home...

I adopted Samson over a year ago from my brother Joshua, he did not have time to take care of him because of his dedication to the Special Olympics and his job taking care of and living with Mentally Challenged adults...being a compassionate person, I wanted to help Josh because he had such a bond with this dog... I later found out why... I am not a dog "person" I grew up with outdoor farm dogs, and never had a dog in the house... I never had a bonding experience with a pet , being that in 40 years i never had one in the house...Sam has issues, a thyroid problem that causes him to have skin problems, odorous, and cherry eye (not in picture because of course he developed it AFTER we had him!) He is just a mess physically! On the other hand he is a great personality... he looks at you with those sad eyes, gets excited when he hears the word "walk"! And he is just a great companion, I can say I have bonded with him, and so has my family... He his name has appeared in every word game we have ever played! He loves Shirene! You should see him jump on her lap! It is the most action she gets! haha Just kidding I had to throw that in!he loves to play fetch, and ride in the car! He makes me smile...but he also makes me have asthma attacks!he has had many nick names Smelly And Mangy, Samsonite, Samion, Samdruff... I have had the worst trouble with having issues with asthma with having him, and he has so many medical issues we can no longer care for him...that is why we made this tough decision to have him move on... After weeks of being referred to person after person, I finally got connected with a lady named Vilma that runs the Thirdtyme rescue...she scolded me at first for not caring for him properly, and then offered to take him... She has a 120 acre farm in Mt Gilead Ohio , and she rescues Corgi and Bernese Mountain Dogs... in fact she has several of them now so he will have some new companions...She is going to give him the surgery for his eye, and care for him, and then put him up for adoption... She has very strict rules that if t he adoptee changes their mind that they have to bring them back to her... So as hard as this is on all of us, we know that he will be in a good place, kind of like the Corgi Hilton! Luke and Leah are pretty bumbed out ,and if you have met John, you have probably had an offer to win Sam, trade him, adopt him, have him show up as a gift, offers for a watch dog, etc, I am sure you can imagine what John is feeling! So Sam moves on, a new era for the Janci fam...if you have been avoiding visiting us because of the Samness, you can come over!

Thank you to everyone that was very patient and tolerent and visited us despite the Samness! We will dearly miss him!

More...

This is a post from October that is a continuing "confessions of a..."- just thought I would post it.

I am writing this on my lunch break at work...



Yesterday someone let me know how cute of a pregnant mom I am... ( I have not been pregnant for 15 years, but at least they thought I looked cute, I guess...) Actually this comment will not get out of my head!!! The person walked up to me and said flowing with syrupy compliment "Oh my goodness look at you!" and patted both sides of my stomach!



I think a lot about bacteria and where it is lurking in my workspace...probably explains why I am not practicing nursing.



I could watch my kids do things they love for days on end...that is why I am a good sports mama to Luke, because he usually is having a blast, and I love watching them do things that make them fell confident, I could watch Leah write her poetry/lyrics, and watch Lyndsay cut and color hair all day.It is a lot easier to pack up a chair and a blanket to watch Luke than what the girls are doing now...

I love beans! Why is that so embarrassing? I just do, every kind! I would eat them all the time!

It is time!

..for me to start blogging again.. .I was inspired by Betsy's "Confessions of a 30 something mom"

...This is the beginning of "Confessions of a 40 something mama"...


I got a tattoo (see picture) in honor of my 40th birthday...I only have wanted this for about a year, but I put much thought into the design. I am a very thankful person...to God, to my family, to my friends. I am thankful to be alive, and to be part of a great support system. I also love language, and culture.
Thank you dear Vic, for helping make this happen.

I am working on writing my personal mission statement for an assignment at work, and it is a lot harder that I expected!

I want to run away to the beach sometimes...If I turn up missing, look along the warm coastlines....that could take a while, there are many of them, but I am giving a tiny heads up that this just may happen some day.

I sometimes think horrible thoughts about the demise of my smelly dog...

Like Betsy, I must admit that I love the BeeGees , and ABBA also...

I often am driving somewhere and have no clue where I am going... that happens a lot and it scares me. ( I actually drove Luke to guitar lessons one time, looked in the back seat about 5 miles into the trip when Luke did not answer a question I asked him , and realized that I left him at home!)

I like simplicity in many things...

You would probably be surprised by my political views, which I rarely share ...

I am in denial about a few things, to be shared in a later post, possibly, maybe, if I decide to ...

I like to play games that you can have a conversation during, such as Mexican train dominoes, I could play that for hours and hours...

I am not good at forgiving myself.

I feel that my best asset as a mother is my ability to love, and quickly forgive my children for their mistakes and poor choices...I would like to be able to offer that to myself.

I am often, in fact very often misunderstood...

Here I am...

One day I will blog again!! I think I have had trouble sharing lately, and I am starting to pinpoint it.
I know one reason is that I have felt emotionally and creatively blocked, I had so many things from the past, one being a job , that I allowed to define me! The transition of trying to figure who I am , and not allowing my job to equal that is very tough. Right now I am enjoying settling into a great job, but being very cautious to not let it become me, and trying to allow time to figure out who Michele is on her own.... A CHALLENGE! I think I will start flowing again, and I am feeling like I am coming out of a sleep!
The second thing is the "loss" or disconnection" of being part of a community that is the Dutch Village Inn... regardless of how I felt about my job there, the fact remains that there is a great community centered around the lobby and the coffee shop. Day to day at my job I would come into contact with many of you, even if it was a simple "hello" or a hug, or even a smile and a wave into my office door, I was still connected with that community. I think I am mourning that loss, and also trying to figure out how to "replace or revive it". Don't get me wrong, I am not regretting my move, it is the best thing I have done in a long time, and it was necessary for my well being to get out of that job. I just did not realize that it would affect way more than my career.
I also have been engulfed with trying to repair my health, after being in the hospital this winter, I feel that I did not address my health with as much seriousness that I should have... and I am feeling the effects of that...I will leave out the details, because I think a few of you may pull up to my house, drag me into your car, and make me immediately go to the doctor! Please don't do that! I am working on it!
Finally , the relationship dynamics in my life are really weird and transitional right now too, I am learning to me a better long distance friend, although I have not really figured out the best way to be a long distance communicator, but I think I am getting better... I am trying to figure out how to be a good parent to two "adult" children, that is tough! especially when one lives with you, and I am working on how to keep strong and balance my existing local friendships...I also am trying to figure out how to balance a new schedule and be a good mom and wife, and be OK with not cooking every night!

Please be patient with me as I do this. I hope you all see where I am at right now, I think this is a pretty honest, authentic portrayal of it. The picture above is a "self portrait that I took along time ago, and I think it is a good reflection of how I feel right now.
Love you all...Chel

Ch-Ch-Ch- Changes!

February has been, and continues to be a month of change. We have had dear friends, and children relocate to embrace their future. These moves bring mixed emotions, joy and excitement, and a bit of sadness.

I have made a very emotional , but timely decision to move forward in my career, and leave the Inn that I have been an employee at for over eight years, and further my career in hospitality as Sales director for Hampton Inn -Youngstown West. Along with this move a bunch of emotions have been stirred. At the Inn I had hit the ceiling for advancement, and them was pushed back down due to choices made by the ownership of the hotel. I suffered a huge financial loss from this change. Due to the slow in the economy, John's business also took a financial hit. This past year was very tough for us, and due to being in a paycheck to paycheck lifestyle, we really felt it . Emotionally, the changes at the job this past year have also took a toll on my health, stress level, and overall well being. I do not feel it appropriate to elaborate on that, except to say that it was something I never want to experience again. I kept my chin up , and decided to have a good attitude at work, and I did truly feel blessed to have a job at all in an economy where people are losing employment left and right. I knew I had to do my best, and press on.

About a month ago, an opportunity arose that I could not ignore, and all through the process I just felt it was the right move. I interviewed, and got the job! This week is my first full week at it, and I am so challenged already, I really like it, and I feel I will have the opportunity to advance, and I will be making more money. I do want to make clear that this was not solely a financial decision, I am not out to just make money, I need to help contribute to our mounting debt, and that is one reason I had to make a move. The other main reasons, besides the previously mentioned one, is the fact that I was not being challenged, I am not getting any younger, and I feel I have a lot to offer to an employer that was being not used. I also have worked with my mother, and several friends, and I feel that working together has been destructive to those relationships.

I am in transition right now. I am adjusting to the fact that I am in a very professional,no standing around chatting, forty hour a week career job. I am trying to balance parenting, being a spouse and a contributor, and being a good friend.

"I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan ! and never never let you for get your a man!" , I couldn't resist!

Edith...

Sarah Louise Edith Smith
Update: Passed Away to her heavenly home... July 4, 2009

This is my grandmother, she is now 97 years old. She is so beautiful inside and out. She is a southern belle, and is blessed with the gift of hospitality. When I look at this picture of her, it makes me wonder what her life was like over 80 years ago when this picture was taken. She was one of the first girls to play basketball in her little town in Tennessee, and her team wore long skirts when they played! I wonder what she thought about, what her voice sounded like and what she did for fun. I feel so connected to this picture of her...maybe it is because I look a little bit like her, I bet our hairstyles where similar! (isn't that crazy !) maybe it is because she has an expression on her face that seems to say , "I know something that you don't"
As the days pass, I keep thinking I need to visit her and ask her these questions, mentally she is very healthy, and has an excellent memory. She only lives an hour and a half away, and yet, it seems far... I think I subconsciously separate myself from her to protect my heart for when she passes, and yet... I see that! She is a person that offers an unconditional love to her family! I remember on time when I got drunk at a family wedding, and our family was staying at her house, and the next morning she took care of me as if I was ill, with no judgment, she knew very well that the reason I was throwing up was because I drank too much, and even though everyone else was angry with me, she kept bringing me wet washcloths for my head, and saltines for my stomach! When I was a pregnant unwed mother, her home was open for me to live, although I chose to stay in my own community.
She likes to go my Edith, even thought that is one of her middle names, and my dad used to call me Edith when I would say certain things like her! What a compliment, even though he was teasing me!
I wanted to share a bit of her with you.

She will be dearly missed.(7/6/09)

I am still here

It has been forever since I posted and I thought I would just write a little bit and let you know where I am at.
This year is the eve of my 40th year of life. It has caused me to become quite reflective . There are somethings that I am feeling good about , such as being a mom. There are many challenges that come along with that. It is hard watching Leah try to figure out her life right now. She is in a position in life that she did not exactly chose. Her poor choices last year in school have forced her to do school at home. She really is a very social person, and staying home, and trying to stay motivated by herself is not faring well. She has lost some friendships from not being in the social circles at school, and does not really have much opportunities to create new friendships beyond the party crowd. She has tried to get a job, and is not having much success at that either( it would be an opportunity for her to make friends). Going back to school right now would be setting her up for failure, she doesn't even want to go because she would not graduate with her friends, and she would be in junior classes. Frankly knowing a lot of the kids at her school, socially I think they would eat her alive. She does not have a boyfriend, and thats fine with me, and she says it is fine with her also, I think it just makes her a bit more lonely, both of us have talked about not trying to find a boyfriend just to fill that gap.
Why am I sharing such intimate things about her? I feel like she really needs lifted up and surrounded by people and prayers. I just want my friends to know where she is at, it is even more emotionally complicated than I am sharing.
When you are are trying to live in community, it is vital to be authentic, and share your story, and allow each other to really know where you are at. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people that are trying to do the same.