Sunday, February 06, 2011


Here is my youngest getting ready to head out on the road in his own car...
It seems like yesterday that he was riding around the house on his Tonka tractor!
I don't really have much to say but this event seems to mark the begin of a new era in my kids are getting married, owning cars, so on and so forth...
The future is left unwritten and I am looking forward to seeing what it will bring!

Wednesday, February 02, 2011


I have been diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy with Mitral Regurgitation- see this is a lot easier than me trying to explain it.

I have been having symptoms for a long time and have been ignoring them...for many reasons which I could list, but at this point is is not going to do me any good to go back and say..."I should have..."

Over the last month I have gone through a series of tests, blood work, wearing different versions of heart monitors, in fact I am wearing one right now and for the next thirty three weeks I will meet with my cardiologist and the "Pacemaker doctor" (EP) to discuss the possibility that I may need a pacemaker. I have also been put on two meds, one is a Beta Blocker and the other is an Ace inhibitor. My doctor is also trying to discover the cause . If you read the link, you can see that there are many possibilities. I can rule out Cocaine use, and alcoholism right of the bat! One of the things I was tested for this week was Lupus.

If it wasn't for a dear Friend that has gone through this disease with her spouse, I would have been very shocked to hear my doctor say that, "You are in heart failure." Thankfully , she explained to me before the visit that this is a general term used for heart disease that simply means that your heart is failing to properly function. I am so glad to have her as a resource. It is so strange but all the sudden I feel awkward around my dear Friend that has the same disease, I don't know what to say to him all the sudden! STRANGE! I will work on figuring that out because I think it would be helpful to communicate with him about it!

I am in a period of processing all this information, dealing with the emotion and reality of the whole thing, adjusting to the meds, and trying to rest. I really feel horrible. I am constantly short of breath, having arrhythmia's everyday, tired, and my emotions are all over the place.

I am surrounded my loving caring friends and family and that is amazing, I hope they can understand the changes I am going through. I find myself just randomly starting into John's eyes, and he says, "What's up?" and I can't answer him- I just keep staring at him. One minute I am being my goofball self, and the next I am melting down.

It has been awesome to have Lyndsay and Andrews wedding and my job as a distraction. Hopefully I will be understood at work because I am having trouble focusing, and I have had to come in late/leave early several times for appointments/blood work, etc.

I am trying to be open about this recently so I am not mis-understood. I hope that I can get treated and start feeling better soon. I hope that I can adjust to this so it is not the only thing I can think or talk about.

I will keep moving forward, try not to get discouraged, and turn to those who care about me. I will not let this get the best of me!