Sunday, January 25, 2009


Sarah Louise Edith Smith
Update: Passed Away to her heavenly home... July 4, 2009

This is my grandmother, she is now 97 years old. She is so beautiful inside and out. She is a southern belle, and is blessed with the gift of hospitality. When I look at this picture of her, it makes me wonder what her life was like over 80 years ago when this picture was taken. She was one of the first girls to play basketball in her little town in Tennessee, and her team wore long skirts when they played! I wonder what she thought about, what her voice sounded like and what she did for fun. I feel so connected to this picture of her...maybe it is because I look a little bit like her, I bet our hairstyles where similar! (isn't that crazy !) maybe it is because she has an expression on her face that seems to say , "I know something that you don't"
As the days pass, I keep thinking I need to visit her and ask her these questions, mentally she is very healthy, and has an excellent memory. She only lives an hour and a half away, and yet, it seems far... I think I subconsciously separate myself from her to protect my heart for when she passes, and yet... I see that! She is a person that offers an unconditional love to her family! I remember on time when I got drunk at a family wedding, and our family was staying at her house, and the next morning she took care of me as if I was ill, with no judgment, she knew very well that the reason I was throwing up was because I drank too much, and even though everyone else was angry with me, she kept bringing me wet washcloths for my head, and saltines for my stomach! When I was a pregnant unwed mother, her home was open for me to live, although I chose to stay in my own community.
She likes to go my Edith, even thought that is one of her middle names, and my dad used to call me Edith when I would say certain things like her! What a compliment, even though he was teasing me!
I wanted to share a bit of her with you.

She will be dearly missed.(7/6/09)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I am still here

It has been forever since I posted and I thought I would just write a little bit and let you know where I am at.
This year is the eve of my 40th year of life. It has caused me to become quite reflective . There are somethings that I am feeling good about , such as being a mom. There are many challenges that come along with that. It is hard watching Leah try to figure out her life right now. She is in a position in life that she did not exactly chose. Her poor choices last year in school have forced her to do school at home. She really is a very social person, and staying home, and trying to stay motivated by herself is not faring well. She has lost some friendships from not being in the social circles at school, and does not really have much opportunities to create new friendships beyond the party crowd. She has tried to get a job, and is not having much success at that either( it would be an opportunity for her to make friends). Going back to school right now would be setting her up for failure, she doesn't even want to go because she would not graduate with her friends, and she would be in junior classes. Frankly knowing a lot of the kids at her school, socially I think they would eat her alive. She does not have a boyfriend, and thats fine with me, and she says it is fine with her also, I think it just makes her a bit more lonely, both of us have talked about not trying to find a boyfriend just to fill that gap.
Why am I sharing such intimate things about her? I feel like she really needs lifted up and surrounded by people and prayers. I just want my friends to know where she is at, it is even more emotionally complicated than I am sharing.
When you are are trying to live in community, it is vital to be authentic, and share your story, and allow each other to really know where you are at. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people that are trying to do the same.