Saturday, September 20, 2008

Baby you and me... we have a groovy kind of love...



As Lyndsay nears her 20th birthday, it has been evoking a lot of memories from the time I found out I was pregnant with her... I could write an essay about how I felt , but rather than that today I feel like just posting a list of words that reflected that time period in my life...Someday, maybe I will elaborate...
  • FEAR
  • JUDGED
  • WORRIED
  • ANGRY
  • REGRETFUL
  • SECRETIVE
  • ASHAMED
  • CONFUSED
  • TORN
  • ALONE
  • SAD
  • SEPARATED
  • DECIDED
  • JOYFUL
  • RELIEVED
  • STRONG
  • PROUD
  • FORGIVEN
  • BLESSED
  • APPREHENSIVE
  • FAT
  • CONFIDENT
  • INSECURE
  • PROTECTIVE
  • SELFLESS
  • SELFISH
  • DEPENDENT
  • NAIVE
  • WEAK
  • AWESTRUCK
This list could go on and on, as a single 18 turning 19 year old, this time of my life was overwhelming. So many things changed from one choice I made, and then I was forced to make a lot of other life altering choices. I am so blessed that I made the choice I did to keep this child...and yet I have so much compassion and heartbreak for any one in this position, and it has taught me to be loving and compassionate to any young person who has to suddenly start making very adult decisions, I can confidently say that I will not judge any young woman for her regrets, poor choices, decisions made during a time like this. A lot of times she is alone, and has kept the weight of these choices 100% on her own shoulders. I wonder if, and how we can equip our young women to be good decision makers? To my friends, and anyone else that happens to read this, and has been in this situation, I Love you, I understand...
A note on the picture... this is the ONLY newborn picture I have of Lyndsay and myself...it got triple exposed, and in a bittersweet way, it reflects my mindset that day, a nurse came in about a half hour before this and asked me when my husband was coming to visit...I was confused, I was in a lot of pain, I was scared, and I was clueless on how to care for this child. I sang her a song that day... Phil Collins Groovy Kind of love.

5 comments:

vic said...

Thanks for posting. You are an unbelievable woman & mom (&friend).

Your core strength is a beautiful.

Love ya!

*Austin Mommy* said...

Chel, this is such a beautiful picture that you've painted of what you went through in that part of your life. What an incredible blessing you have in your daughter, and of course Leah and Luke, also. Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing everything you did in this post. You are fabulous! ;)

Birdie said...

Michelle, thank you for what you shared. Amy and I were talking about similar things on the way home from church. People don't realize the hurt they can cause in a fit of self-righteousness. You have shown a great deal of strength and I know that comes from leaning on God. In our weakness.....He is strong! And He made you strong! Again, thanks!

Dave and Betsy: said...

I love watching you be a mom to your 3 beautiful children. Vic is right, you are an amazing friend, wife, woman and mom. Wow - that's a lot of jobs, but you really seem to pull them all off without a hitch!!

ChelChel said...

I thank you all for the positive reinforcement. I really don't always feel ultra confident in my parenting skills, hence the blog name. Note the quotes around "supermom"!

Today is her actual Birthday, and my 20th anniversary as a parent! Boy that's crazy!