Saturday, April 11, 2009

Here I am...

One day I will blog again!! I think I have had trouble sharing lately, and I am starting to pinpoint it.
I know one reason is that I have felt emotionally and creatively blocked, I had so many things from the past, one being a job , that I allowed to define me! The transition of trying to figure who I am , and not allowing my job to equal that is very tough. Right now I am enjoying settling into a great job, but being very cautious to not let it become me, and trying to allow time to figure out who Michele is on her own.... A CHALLENGE! I think I will start flowing again, and I am feeling like I am coming out of a sleep!
The second thing is the "loss" or disconnection" of being part of a community that is the Dutch Village Inn... regardless of how I felt about my job there, the fact remains that there is a great community centered around the lobby and the coffee shop. Day to day at my job I would come into contact with many of you, even if it was a simple "hello" or a hug, or even a smile and a wave into my office door, I was still connected with that community. I think I am mourning that loss, and also trying to figure out how to "replace or revive it". Don't get me wrong, I am not regretting my move, it is the best thing I have done in a long time, and it was necessary for my well being to get out of that job. I just did not realize that it would affect way more than my career.
I also have been engulfed with trying to repair my health, after being in the hospital this winter, I feel that I did not address my health with as much seriousness that I should have... and I am feeling the effects of that...I will leave out the details, because I think a few of you may pull up to my house, drag me into your car, and make me immediately go to the doctor! Please don't do that! I am working on it!
Finally , the relationship dynamics in my life are really weird and transitional right now too, I am learning to me a better long distance friend, although I have not really figured out the best way to be a long distance communicator, but I think I am getting better... I am trying to figure out how to be a good parent to two "adult" children, that is tough! especially when one lives with you, and I am working on how to keep strong and balance my existing local friendships...I also am trying to figure out how to balance a new schedule and be a good mom and wife, and be OK with not cooking every night!

Please be patient with me as I do this. I hope you all see where I am at right now, I think this is a pretty honest, authentic portrayal of it. The picture above is a "self portrait that I took along time ago, and I think it is a good reflection of how I feel right now.
Love you all...Chel


Sam said...

Very open post. Thanks for sharing.

That darn DVI lobby/coffeeshop does have a pull doesn't it? Weird to think how an inanimate object could be so important to so many.

Chel said...

Thanks for reading, Sam...

Dave and Betsy: said...

It was SOOO good to hug you my sista! I love you and am so proud of your commitment to a transparent life of growth and being honest with both yourself and others! You are an amazing mom, and remind yourself of this when you are feeling down.

Love you!


jeyoder said...
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